Friday, January 7, 2011

Emotions of seeing Annelise Bitna

Before I forget the emotions I felt the night of our referral, January 3rd, I thought I had better blog about it! I basically called every family member I could think of that day, and cried on and off, skipped, danced around and forgot to eat completely. So when 10pm rolled around, and I knew that "tomorrow" January 4th at 11am was the day I was going to see Leah's picture for the first time, I figured I had better go to sleep. I passed out almost as soon as my head hit the pillow (emotionally drained) and slept deep until 2am. When I woke, I was totally wide awake realizing that today would be the day I would see what the daughter I had prayed for for 1 year, 3 months and 8 days would look like. Then my mind started racing. I tried to go back to sleep, but, that did not happen for a long long time. Anderson woke up somewhere around 3am so I put him our bed and snuggled him. Then he decided to keep me company and rolled around for awhile till I decided he needed to go back to sleep. I made him some milk, fed him and he fell back asleep around 4. I also drank a big glass, hoping it would knock me out. I think i fell back asleep around 5ish and woke up again at 6am, totally ecstatic it was kinda daylight. I pretty much lept out of bed and flew to our coffee maker. I had to dress the boys and myself fast, because we had decided to drive them over an hour to my sister in law's house for a spend the night party with cousins, then drive over another hour to see our baby. After we dropped them off, my stomach really started churning. That hour and 30 minute drive from her house to our agency was loooooong. I really think I have never been that nervous in my life!! We FINALLY got there, I jumped out of the car before Daniel could park and raced inside ahead of him. (haha) Slow poke! He caught up inside the agency and we did not have to wait but a minute and we saw our social worker. She ushered us back into a conference room, sat us down and told us a few things about Bitna. She then pulled out a big stack of photos and laid them out for us. The first picture I saw of her I am looking at right now. She has a little smile and is staring right at the camera. I immediately started crying. I just loved her, plain and simple. This little girl is who I have prayed for and cried for, yearned for and hoped for, for so so long. She did not look necessarily familiar to me, but she was mine and I would have fought off a lion to protect her. Now, after 4 days of staring at all her photos, she looks very familiar to me, and I have memorized every detail of her sweet face. It is hard to explain what it is like to see your child for the first time, in photos, not real life. I hesitate to say it was so much more special than the boys births, because it was not. But it was much much different. Almost filled with more emotion, if that is humanly possible. I think the anticipation builds up with adoption, and perhaps it is God himself that places the love for a child not born of you in your heart very very early, so that you might see a picture of a child you have never seen, and love that child with your whole heart. I think God, who adopted us all, plays a very very big role in adoption. This little girl I cherish. I have her in every room of my house, even my bathroom. I don't want to go a minute without studying her face. All these months of waiting, and now here I am. It feels like a dream come true. I have not forgotten the hard, hard wait. But I see now WHY I had it. This tiny little girl was born to be our daughter. All these months of waiting have prepared me to love her like I do. Thanks be to Heaven for such a gift.
And I promise, just as soon as our agency receives our packet, you will all see her sweet little face!


  1. This was so sweet to read. It was making me so emotional with every sentence. I'm so happy for you and Daniel. Leah will be and already is a part of a wonderfully loving family...she will be here in a few short months!!!!! SO excited with you guys!

  2. What a beautifully written post. It made me all the more ready to see our child's face--thanks!!:) I can't wait until you can post Leah's picture!

  3. So precious!!! Cannot wait to see her sweet face!!!

  4. beautiful, and real. I started crying when I read this because I can relate with the difference between bio kids and adopting, but the love being just as strong. I am building my love right now too. It is truly amazing.

  5. Beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing. Our love is building and ready to overflow onto a photograph! :) I wonder what it will be like when I think of the difference between this and the birth of our children so I greatly appreciate your insight. ;)

  6. Wonderfully written post! Hope you share this with her one day :-)



About Me

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We are waiting to adopt our fourth child from the U.S.A. I am a momma to three other awesome children and wife to the love of my life. My boys are homegrown and my daughter is adopted from S. Korea . We cannot wait to meet our next baby!