Before we were approved to adopt from South Korea, we had to sign a form saying if I were to become pregnant, we would immediately inform our agency and our adoption would be put on hold, until well after our baby was born. I have always had mixed feelings about this topic, and thought blogging about it would do me good, mostly because I have been having crazy dreams lately I am pregnant. Now, no, we are not trying. Yes, we are taking precautions to see that I don't become pregnant. But, nothing is foolproof, and if I do, what then? There would be a good chance we would never get our child from Korea. That would make me immensely sad, and I would feel a huge amount of conflicting emotions. Just my dreams lately are horrific. Of course I would love the baby I was pregnant with, but in my dreams I am absolutely heartbroken over losing our baby from Korea. Do you understand these rules? On one hand, I can see it. Korea wants the baby you adopt to be the only baby in the home, and I know that baby will need lots of time to bond and adjust to a whole new life. On the other, how does a mother feel when her heart is in love with a baby on the other side of the world, she becomes pregnant, and is forced to have to let that adopted baby go? Talk about stress.
I do know there are some countries and agencies that let a mother continue her adoption if she becomes pregnant. One of these countries is Ethiopia. But not every agency that works with Ethiopia will allow it. I think I am having these dreams because it is always in the back of my mind the type of situation that would be unfathomable. (is that a word?) And I know from talking with our agency it happens, and happens a fair amount.
How do you feel about it? Does your agency or country allow it?
Father to the fatherless, defender of widows — this is God, whose dwelling is holy. God places the lonely in families. Psalms 68:5-6
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- We are waiting to adopt our fourth child from the U.S.A. I am a momma to three other awesome children and wife to the love of my life. My boys are homegrown and my daughter is adopted from S. Korea . We cannot wait to meet our next baby!
i'm always scared i'll get pg, even though we're preventing, and even though in 1.5 years of trying we couldn't! i do NOT want to lose my Ethiopian baby!!! our agency does not allow it :-( but like you said, Ethiopia does...ReplyDelete
To me, it makes sense. In my opinion, an adopted child that comes into a family needs to be the center of attention. I guess I would compare it to not being able to be in process with two countries at once. You can't adopt from Korea and then two months later adopt from Ethiopia. There has to be a certain time between placements. There is no way I could've handled the first months with Ben AND another new baby.ReplyDelete
That being said, I was totally paranoid about becoming pregnant. I believe that I would not have been happy. I would have grieved my Korean child, the child that I prepared for. But in the end I feel that pregnancy is preventable and if we had fallen under that 1% for whom birthcontrol fails, it would have been part of a greater plan.
You know I had to comment on this one! :)ReplyDelete
Our agency was CWA and our country was China. When I found out I was pregnant, I had such mixed emotions but I was very sad at the thought of having to wait even longer for my Chinese daughter if our paperwork was pulled. We had no idea what our agency's policy was. But now I know why we chose the agency we did. :) As it turns out, in God's perfect plan, Lucille was 7 months old when we received our referral for Lindsey, who was 10 months old!! We did have to do a conference call with our case worker about our plan and an update to our home study. Like in all situations, I was reminded that the Lord's plan is bigger and better than ours (even or especially when we don't understand!)
We took precautions as our agency had the same requirements as you (they probably come directly from Korea). I can understand both sides of the argument, but can totally see why Korea does this...their children are their number one priority.ReplyDelete
Interestingly, friends/family thought we were CRAZY to be preventing a pregnancy. They just seemed shocked that we'd try to avoid getting pregannt...as if adoption was a second-best choice for us...which is certainly was not. The adoption was EVERYTHING to us...and we clearly did not want to "mess" anything up (that isn't the right word...but I'm blanking).
my husband and i are wanting to start the adoption process but we are having the same fears! we are wanting to adopt a baby from ethiopia! i've been researching several different international adoption agencies and the only one that i can find that allows you to be pregnant and continue with the adoption process is Dove Adoptions International, Inc. i hope that helps!ReplyDelete
I think about it too...ALOT!!!! I have a friend who adopted from China and she said that 2 of the 12 women they traveled with were visibly pregnant but nobody said anything to them. I do understand the reasoning behind it but I think Koreas policy of waiting 9 months after placement to adopt again is kind of ridiculous when it takes 1 1/2 yrs to get another child home. All parents and their children are not the same. Some children/changes are easier than others. I believe if a pregnancy happened it would be hard but it would also be God's plan. And I want to try and be accepting of it.ReplyDelete
I understand COMPLETELY! Even after trying to get pregnant for 2 1/2 years, our hearts are so wrapped around our Korean daughter that we would be absolutely devastated if we became pregnant! Doesn't that sound weird? Of course we would love our own baby, but we would grieve for the daughter that we have let into our lives and our hearts. We are on triple protection and still I get paranoid every month! Our agency will let the adoption continue if you are pregnant and already accepted a referral... so once we get to that point I won't be so stressed out!ReplyDelete
We are right there with you. It is a strange thing, but understandable. Although medically they have told me I can't have kiddos, that would be just our luck....to get this close to getting our baby home and me winding up pregnant. So we are past precautions....we just stick to our side of the bed. :) Its not forever and she means that much to us both. We decided it wasn't anything we wanted to mess up. I know it is crazy, but we want her to come home so badly. (might I add that when it was a 4 mos. wait this seemed like nbd....this 11 mos. thing is a whole other story, but we will make it) :)ReplyDelete
The rules for us is that we were unable to be "trying" and once we were home, there could not be another child less than 9 months of age in the home.ReplyDelete
I understand the rules, but like you said - can you imagine the heartbreak?