Thursday, August 19, 2010

mommy guilt

I thought I would do a little blog on something I struggle with, mommy guilt. Here are some things keeping me up at night. Anderson does not have a baby scrapbook. And his pregnancy memory journal is about 10% filled in. Jack has 2 baby scrapbook but one still has two pages blank in the middle. His pregnancy journal is half filled in. Sigh. This is driving me nuts. I tried to order baby pictures to start Anderson book but only half got delivered. Also, I want to make photo colleges for each of their rooms. Jack needs some current big kid jack photos in there. I still need to get Anderson two year pictures taken and guess who still needs to make his two year doctors appt.?? Enough guilt? Nope, moving onto leah. I love her. But I am terrified of leaving Anderson, my baby now. For a week. I am considering having Daniel go get her. Big mommy guilt on thinking this. I am torn. I am fairly sure I will end up going, but also sure my heart will ache for a week of missing all my boys. Let's move on to stay at home mommydom. Some days by 3pm I wish to heaven for a chariot to carry me away to a quiet adult place. Where there are mature discussions, money being made, perhaps some Starbucks being quietly sipped on while I ponder my work? Mommy guilt. Why am I not so thrilled to have so much time to spend with my boys? Why am I wishing so many days away until daddy gets off work? I have no outside job, and I rarely get away from the boys except to grocery shop on the weekends. Wishing to get away more leaves me with:: you guessed it. And lately I am longing for the days with one child. It is so much easier with one. You get to spend so much quality time with one. I feel bad Anderson does not have that and jack lost it. And now we will have a third. I took jack alone to run errands lately and it was heaven. He was so easy and fun. I tried to make it fun for him since we usually have little brother with us. We even sat quietly and read books in Barnes! Sweet Anderson tears thru Barnes pulling books off shelves. On the other hand, anderson naps, which is glorious. Jack has not napped for like 3 years. So I guess mommy guilt runs rampant in my life. Thanks if you read this! I hope your life holds less guilt, more joy!

** I have to add, if you do work outside the home, I think that is great, to each his own. I hope you have no guilt over it. I may end up doing it eventually. I hope I did not come across like anyone should have any guilt over anything! Just sharing my own feelings lately....


  1. I guess we all feel mommy guilt. I work outside of the home - boy do I feel guilty. When I was home with Ben, I was exhaused by 1 p.m. and ready for hubby to be there - felt guilty.
    What if we don't add another child and Ben stays an only? I feel guilty. What if we do add another and then I don't have time for either one of them - guilty.

    But one thing you should really do is go to Korea to pick up your girl. It is the absolute most amazing feeling to be there meeting your child. Your other two will miss you, but in the long run won't remember you being gone for a week. You will never ever forget being in Korea with your child!

  2. Mommy guilt runs rampant, I am afraid. Thanks Sandra, i really know I do need to go.

  3. Well, apparently we are on the same page! Just yesterday, I was having some serious mommy guilt. I work outside the home, and my oldest goes to pre k 4 now. At first he was excited. Now, one week later....not so much!! Guess what he tells me when I pick him up from school? "Mommy, you broke my heart today. You just dropped me off and left me there." Talk about make you feel guilty :) Boys know how to do that to mommies I think. Anyway, I know what you mean when it comes to having two and feeling like you are neglecting one over the other at times. And then thinking about three can be exhausting. What we have been doing lately has been really fun though. My husband and I do date night on Mondays with the boys. He takes one, and I take the other, and we do a fun (cheap) activity. The next week we switch kids. It has been really nice to spend quality time with each one alone, and the kids love it!! Just know that you are not alone in the world of mommy guilt. We all have it!
    P.S. Go to Korea!!!

  4. I hope you didn't make that edit because of me. I personally feel that me being home with Ben would be better for him, hence the guilt. It's not an option right now. I know that working outside of the home is a great option for many people, I just really wish I didn't have to right now.

  5. "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus "(Romans 8:1) Your shouldn't feel guilty for any of those things...they are your life right now, a life that God has given you in the place where He has set you. Our children being little is just a season, among many, but I do think it is one of the most trying seasons on a mom!! Hang in there--you are not alone. I think all moms, whether stay at home or working, struggle with this b/c we love our children and want to get it right. But with the Lord as our example, strength and hope.....we CAN'T go wrong!!!

  6. Oh, right there with you. And I only have one kiddo! (But boy-oh-boy, do I miss working) Some days I barely make it to "nap" time... forget 3pm!

    UGH. Mommy guilt stinks.

    PS - I completely agree with Sandra... you should go to Korea. The boys will be fine...

  7. Sandra,no,not because of you. I was thinking before I read yours that maybe I did not come across right. :)

  8. I'm right there with you Elisabeth. I feel Mommy guilt all the time and often for the same reasons you listed. Except for leaving my kids to go to Korea - I actually don't feel guilty about that one and I can't wait. But I hardly ever leave them and my parents are like 2nd parents to them so they won't miss us one bit. I think it's easier that they'll be 7 and 4, I know if Ella were 2 I'd have a much harder time. This is the first time DH and I will go somewhere just the two of us in over 6 years! My advice (easier said than done): whatever decision you make, embrace and feel no guilt about it!

  9. I have lots of mommy guilt too. Not provding A with sibling, not being home with him during the day, not, not, not... I still have yet to start A's life book - or even put our trip's pictures into an album. I think I may have time when he's about 5.
    Hang in there!
    And yes - you really should go to Korea - it is an amazing experience! The boys will be fine and even more excited to see you when you return!

  10. Ok here goes...
    #1. Your boys are so fortunate to have you there to raise them. The key word being there. The scrapbooks will come together. Eventually they will be in school full time. and you will then have collected even more photos to work with.
    #2. You must do something for yourself. Something that will feed you soul and has nothing to do with the kids. Even if it's one half day a week. This mommy thing will suck you dry of everything mentally and physically. It never ends and there is no sick day or pay check. You need to recharge the battery to be a good mom and a good spouse.
    #3. Three is harder than 2. More work and you are out numbered. Another reason to let go of the guilt and make some "me" time.
    #4. GO TO KOREA. Your boys will be fine. Leah deserves your undivided attention and you will be sorry if you don't go.

    I think the mom guilt will take on different forms as the years pass...wheres the manual when you need it? LOL.

  11. I am a new parent, YIPEE!! I have mommy guilt about having to go back to work soon!! I know my sweet Holden is just getting well adjusted and bonded to me and I love it. I have found patience, believe it or not, more patience than I found with all the waiting!! He amazes me everyday and I just love him to death. So, I have "new mommy having to go back to work guilt" AND I feel that I have put off finding him a daycare because I don't think there are any that are affordable that are good enough. I had to compromise a little with finding one but it is close to my work so, I feel some "popping in" happening quite a bit!!! LOL

    And for goodness sake, GO TO KOREA!!!! You will be an emotional wreck from it all but you will be able to share the experience and the RAW emotion of it all with your daughter!!



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We are waiting to adopt our fourth child from the U.S.A. I am a momma to three other awesome children and wife to the love of my life. My boys are homegrown and my daughter is adopted from S. Korea . We cannot wait to meet our next baby!