Thursday, July 15, 2010

Thoughts on a Thursday

Yea, corny, I know. I am still here, just waiting around for the phone to ring. Which it probably will sometime today, but it probably won't be my social worker. I am feeling a little nutty, with a totally empty bedroom upstairs sans a closet full of baby girl clothes. And a sweet antique chandelier I am going to spray paint cream and add pink shades too. Does anyone or did anyone feel this way with an adoption? It is odd to be gathering things and not really have any real proof on me that I will be the mother of a tiny little girl from Korea. I have my adoption shirts, my neclaces, my magnets, my blog........ But really, this wait is starting to get to me. I do have the boys to keep me busy, and that is my only save. The constant wondering "when will I get the call?" is making me antsy and nervous. I even have crazy wild dreams about a referral and some of them are not pleasant. I am totally psyching myself out about traveling to Korea alone and leaving my boys for a whole week. I pretty much am panicked about it. Jack I think will be ok, but again, I am so worried about Anderson, who is not yet even 2. I guess this is just all a part of the wait, but boy is this wait emotional. Just when I think about "the call" I tear up. And I am not a crier. (well don't ask my hubby about it, but I say I am not one)
I love reading blogs, but I am afraid I have started to stalk people's timelines. Which is fun, but sometimes discouraging. Some people have their referral by this point, others had awhile to wait. We were trying to save up all the money needed for referral, and have so far been able to pay cash for all adoption expenses, but yesterday Daniel applied for loan for 3/4 of what we will need to pay Korea in the event we do get our referral soon. We try to be debt free, and I know that is hard on Daniel. But maybe we will not need it if we get some kind of sweet hail storm. (Daniel has an auto appraisal business, and if he gets a hail claim at a car dealership, it is payday!) So if you want, pray for hail. :)
So those are my jumbled thoughts on this Thursday. Hail and all.


  1. That is "normal" for adoption. Although we waited until we got our referral and still pushing it at this point to start Holden's room. It does feel "odd" to go into a baby store and buy clothes without a child in tow. I always get the "would you like a gift receipt?" and I just want to yell "NO, it is for MY CHILD!!!!" Anyway, what you are going through is as "normal" as it gets I think for adoption.

  2. Oh, I remember those feelings so well! Definitely normal... and hard!

    Hang in there my friend.

    (Praying for oodles of hail...)

  3. I'm with the other gals. TOTALLY normal feelings. Just try and keep busy :)

  4. You're not alone! I've been struggling too lately! Somedays are easier than others. I've hit all of the end of season sales so have a closet full of pink too, but just a dream to go along with them. Sometimes it feels like its never going to be real, but then I too start stalking blogs and realize others are going through the same thing I am. Just keep trusting God and hang in there!

  5. Sounds normal to me (don't ask my DH b/c he's pretty sure I've lost my mind during the adoption process and we are behind you!). We're trying to not think about the referral until after Christmas. I keep telling myself this but it's not easy b/c no matter what you say you're hoping to be that early outlier!
    As for tearing up - I do that easily - ESPECIALLY when it comes to my kids (see my post about Toy Story 3) so I can understand that completely. I'm not looking forward to leaving my kids but going alone would definitely scare me. Do you have a close friend or family member who could go with you? To take pictures and be moral support? I will definitely keep you in my prayers (and some freak hail storms....). :)

  6. Adoption is certainly a roller coaster for the emotions! It helped me (and again as we begin the wait) to remember that God's timing is always right! He created and knows your daughter--and will work ALL things for your good to bring her home!! It is almost a daily battle to remind our hearts of that!! I do think once Leah is in your arms, you will forget all about this "wait" time!



About Me

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We are waiting to adopt our fourth child from the U.S.A. I am a momma to three other awesome children and wife to the love of my life. My boys are homegrown and my daughter is adopted from S. Korea . We cannot wait to meet our next baby!