Thursday, December 9, 2010

lessons i have learned in this adoption

Thinking about the past 14+ months of our journey, I have learned a few lessons I will remember should we ever actually complete this adoption and adopt a second. First, I will not inform the masses before my first homestudy meeting. This will be our second Christmas without even a picture of our daughter, and the constant stream of question as to where she is, is she born, what is taking so long? , are you still adopting, etc. Etc. May indeed be my end. I know, people wonder. But at this point, I am in pain. I am weary and having every person I know or barely know asking me, when I may just be trying to cope and go about my daily life, hurts. So lesson learned. If we do this again, I will tell at referral. Lesson two, expect it will take months longer than you are informed. Do not get your hopes up that you will be this amazing fast adoption story. Three, do not stalk other adoption timeliness. Generally, this has only upset me. Four, do not buy a closet of clothing before you see the baby. It is just sad. And five, do make adoption friends again, because that is the one thing I have done right, and it really keeps me going, uplifted me, and gives hope and understanding. Thank you buddies, we will survive this wait!


  1. Yeah, I thought "If one more person asks 'any news yet?!'" I may just lose my mind! And the timeline thing is killer... I would look at my friends who were at the same place as us just a few months prior and they received referrals in around 3-5 months, which is what we were told it would be when we started... Almost 9 months later, we finally got our referral. JEEZ! I'm so praying you get the call before Christmas...

  2. Thanks Jenny! I know you absolutely "get it!"

  3. btdt four times...
    Some went fast some went slow.
    We waited 10 years for our first, but the adoption process was only 11 months long. We waited FOREVER for our youngest, it felt...
    They are 8,10,11, and 14 now and the clock runs too quickly. Too quickly they will be grown and gone. It will happen. The day will come, you'll be drinking tea, or running late, or cleaning the bathroom and suddenly you'll be standing there in awe!
    Mary Beth

  4. I empathize...I was just thinking about how I have to go to a birthday party Saturday with a bunch of people I do not see often. i know I will have to answer a million and one questions again about all the same things! Blahh I will def wait until referral next time ;)

  5. You don't know me, but I stumbled onto your blog today and almost cried to read your post. I am an adoptive mom (3 times now) and I have a good idea of how you are feeling this Christmas. I was in similar shoes last year at this time. You see, my husband and I had the honor of hosting a 13 year old Ukrainian orphan in our home for 3 weeks in the summer of 2009. We fell in love quickly and had to send him back to Ukraine after the 3 weeks. We were so sad and Christmas 2009 was so sad for us. We didn't send out cards either because we could not put his picture on anything, yet he was a part of our family so how could we send out a card without his face on it.
    I am praying for you and your sweet family. May God be your comfort and joy during your sadness.

  6. It is such a blessing to have friends that completely understand...because they are there too! We can support one another in the wait and REJOICE with one another when the wait is over! :)

  7. Amen to all those lessons! Waiting sucks, plain and simple.

  8. I am right there with you on every one of these, Elisabeth! I realize now we told everyone way too early, but we were excited and wanted to tell the world. Now the world has too many questions and comments for me to handle! Timelines also cause me much grief. I finally decided that quick and easy just doesn't happen to us so I need to quit expecting it. But as for the adoption friends, I couldn't make it without all of you. That is the best part of this whole waiting game. I've made friends all over the country I never would have known and I wouldn't trade that for anything! When no one understands the craziness of this roller coaster ride, I know ya'll do!!

  9. Oh Elisabeth- I UNDERSTAND TOO! Hang in there! You WILL get through this and at the end of the tunnel will be your beautiful little girl waiting for you. Think of it like labor pains. Right now, it seems like it couldn't hurt worse- I get it! But just focus on your little girl and what it will be like to finally hold her. That's what's keeping me going too! I used to get bothered by people constantly asking me questions too, but I finally realized that they are doing it because they care. They don't realize its hard to not have any news to share. But I would rather have them ask me and know that they are interested and also thinking of our daughter, rather than not saying anything. Although... I have seriously thought about making a T-shirt that says "No we still don't know who she is. No we still don't know how old she is. No we still don't have her picture. Go ahead and ask in a week, but we probably will still not know!" LOL!!!!!

  10. I second what Sandra said and Elisabeth - we WILL get through it! :) Hugs!

  11. All the asking... I remember that.
    And yes - Adoption friends are the best!

  12. I totally agree. Our adoption journeys teach us SO MUCH! I also agree that adoption friends totally rock! :-)

    I remember going nuts when people would constantly ask me why our son wasn't here yet...over & over. It was so hard explaining it again & again. But...if people didn't ask, that would have bothered me too, I'm sure. Such a hard time...the waiting. HUGS to you!



About Me

My photo
We are waiting to adopt our fourth child from the U.S.A. I am a momma to three other awesome children and wife to the love of my life. My boys are homegrown and my daughter is adopted from S. Korea . We cannot wait to meet our next baby!