Could not sleep

I could not sleep last night. I just kept thinking about Leah. I wonder if there is something going on in her life right now? I never have problems sleeping.......
Praying for you baby girl.
Have a great Memorial Day everyone!

Tensions in North and South Korea

The tensions in North and South Korea are making me SO nervous. I keep reading updates in the news about who is on who's side. It appears China has joined the South in condeming the North for the missle attack in March. And the North says they did not send the missle, and will retaliate with war if the South makes any moves. SIGH. I am so nervous a full war is going to break out over there and I am not going to get my Leah. I am trying SO hard to trust God in this, but every time I read more news I can't help but be fearful. I know HE has everything in His hands, including my little girl. So if you would, could you please say a prayer peace remains in Korea?

Too many dinosaurs

Wow, I had crazy dreams last night. My boys love dino's and I think I may have been overexposed in the past few years. Last night in my dream a baby dino had gotten loose in our house and I was desperately trying to catch it while it grew bigger and bigger. :)
Today I am taking the boys to the children's museaum and taking my camera, so I will have something to show you all. It is a great museum and afterwards I think we will swing by the cupcake shop - mmmmmm....

Are you doing this because you want a girl?

I get asked this almost every time I share with someone we are adopting a precious baby girl from South Korea. It took me by surprise the first time it happened and I have been struggling with the right answer ever since. Well hmmmm... let's try to explain my heart. I feel God has been leading my heart to adoption for years. And for some reason it is always the face of a little Asian girl that came to mind. Always. I think the Lord softens the hearts of his people. I know the Lord has known for all time the a little girl was meant for our family. And she was to be adopted. Just as he knew throughout all time that I was meant for the family that adopted me. Perhaps that happened just so my heart would be softened to adoption. I mean, I can have biological children. I am perfectly healthy and he has blessed us with two beautiful boys that are the spitting image of their father. Life is perfect. I saw the face of God the day my boys were born. I looked at them and have never felt the kind of love I felt that day. I would have died for them on the spot if needed to save and protect them. I have already started to love Leah that way. I think of her all the time and miss her. When I meet her for the first time, I can only envision having a similar experience as the day my boys were born. For all that have adopted before me, hearing them recount that day, I know they felt the same. And it is a beautiful love.
So to get back to the question people ask about why we are doing this, no, it is not just so I can have a girl. Yes, it will be fun to have all the pink ruffles. Yes, it will be wonderful to have a buddy who gets tea parties. I also think God knows how my heart will be blessed to see adoption come around again. All my questions "did my birthmom really love me?" have actually already been answered. Even the "do my parents love me like their biological daughter?" have been answered thru this almost 8 month journey. I know deep in my heart I will love Leah the same as my boys. No question about it. And I also mourn for the loss her birthmother is experiencing.
When we started this adoption journey I was scared. As in I could not sleep for days. Question after question kept swirling in my head. Fear was huge. The unknown was huge. "Why would I mess up what I have?" That thought haunted me for a good week. But I kept praying, kept hearing the voice of God. I felt like he was telling me to step up. There are so so many orphans out there. The price of adoption is great, but money is just a monetary thing. God provides. As soon as we sent in our application I felt this huge huge peace come over my life. I knew that this was going to be one of my biggest blessings in life. I can't fathom missing this opportunity.
Are you wondering if you can adopt? Do you feel that tugging at your heart? Don't miss this blessing! Do you feel your heart beat fast when you read about adoption or see the face of an orphan now in a loving home? Or see the face of an orphan that needs a home? Step out in faith. If God calls he will provide. These orphans are His children.
So to sum it all up, we are adopting because we can't NOT. Once you have the heart of the orphan on YOUR heart you will never be the same. I pray thru our adoption many more will see the blessings of Leah and open their hearts and homes.
This joy, this peace, this excitement can be yours! Waiting to bring home a precious child brings me closer to the heart of God. After all, we are HIS children. He wants to bring us home to Him. The circle of life. If you are reading this grappling with starting an adoption, please GO FOR IT!
I am available by email or phone to chat if you want to speak to me about adoption. What are you waiting for???? 147 million orphans are in our world. Give one a home!!!

“I am only one, but I am one. I can't do everything, but I can do something. The something I ought to do, I can do. And by the grace of God, I will.”
Edward Everett Hale

Thoughts.....

Daniel is upstairs with the kids, and I am supposed to be organizing our basement, but I had to take a little break. It is overwhelming but I see huge progress. :)
I wanted to share some thoughts I have been having about adoption. I have been thinking alot about Leah's birthmother. Having a feeling she is born, and I think she has been born recently, has made me thing about the kind of situation that has put her birthmom in. Did she get to cuddle Leah? Was it an excruciating decision to make? (I am 100% sure it was) How is she coping? How do you say goodbye to a child?
On the other hand, I am so happy I think she is alive and out there. (Leah) I pray for her daily and hope her foster parents (or perhaps she is in the baby room still at SWS) are loving her to pieces. I miss her. And I am grateful to everyone that is taking care of her. And praying for her birthmother.
Adoption brings on an amazing amount of emotions. Having had two pregnancies, I can see the similarities. But I also can see how with the amazing blessing Leah will bring us, there is also a huge loss for her and her birthmother. Her country, her culture, and having that link to another human being of the same blood. Being adopted myself, I have felt that missing piece, yet I have also felt the enormous love of a family. I pray Leah will understand all the love that went into her. I love you Leah. And I miss you terribly.

What I have been up to....

Well I have been offline pretty much for awhile. I have just been swamped moving in this house. I was "kinda" organized in the other house, but everything got shoved into our new basement and all my organized jumble went into a big heap. So I have been spending every spare moment organizing our stuff, making trips to the dump, goodwill and consignment. It is amazing the amount of stuff you can accumulate when you go 5 years without really going thru stuff and sorting/getting rid of it.
My sweet baby Anderson has been a handful lately, too. I can definately see the 2 yr. old age coming up!!! I have been having a hard time squeezing in my blog into my full days!!
On the Leah front, we are just waiting. But let me tell you, it feels SO good to just be waiting and not have anything to do but wait for that phone call! I am hoping it comes in the fall. :) And I am hoping I am super organized and ready for that call when it comes!
I hope you have all been doing well. I have been trying to read all your blogs and keep up with news. Have a great Tuesday!

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's day to all my Mamma friends, with babies at home or waiting on their precious little ones to come home. Jack and Anderson, I am so blessed to be your Mamma. You make each day wonderful. And little Leah, I am already your Mamma in my heart and I just can't wait to hold you.

(I just love this picture. It is when Anderson was teeny tiny!)

Off to Korea.....

Our paperwork will go TOMORROW!!! After a loooooong day of driving back from Alabama (think screaming, crying little boys that did not want to be strapped in car seats ALL day) I had to go by the old house and check the mail. My hand started shaking when I saw we got something from US citizenship and immigration. I open and it is our 1-600A approval!!!!! Almost 12 weeks to the day from when we were fingerprinted we finally get our approval. For the past 6 weeks I have been looking for this lone piece of paper that is a "notice of favorable determination concerning application for advance processing of orphan petition." Needless to say, after 6 weeks of dissapointment, I started bawling as I read it. (the loooong car trip after burying my Grandma yesterday no doubt may have affected my emotions) But, at the same time, when you are forced to wait for something, it makes getting it that much sweeter. Kinda a tribute to adopting a child, no? All this waiting, praying, hoping and wishing for Leah has got me loving my sweet little girl so much I can hardly stand it. Now our paperwork will (finally) be going to South Korea tomorrow to await being matched with our little girl. Next up, the phone call that will change our lives. (in 4-8 short months from now)
And you know what? I just can't wait!